We’ve worked with many families at The Empowerment Center, experiencing this very unique and unspoken feeling about grief. There is one family that comes immediately to mind, the “Walsh” family. You see, this family looked “very good” to the public. They seemed happy, strong and together. But many people did not know that they were all grieving, it’s just that no one had died yet. What were they grieving? The impending death of their mother, who had been diagnosed with an incurable form of brain cancer. You see this is anticipatory grief.  

Anticipatory grief is defined as grief that occurs before death (or another great loss) in contrast to grief after death (conventional grief). Rather than death alone, this type of grief includes many losses, such as the loss of a companion, changing roles in the family, fear of financial changes, and the loss of dreams of what could be. Grief doesn’t occur in isolation, and often the experience of grief can bring to light memories of other episodes of grief in the past. 

With all the changes that COVID-19 has brought, we as a society may find ourselves experiencing anticipatory grief. Some of us are grieving the roles we have played in our families or that others played in our families prior to the quarantine. Some of us are anticipating a loss concerning our dreams and aspirations, feeling as thought the societal changes have just made it that much more difficult to start “that business.” And of course, then there is fear of financial changes. Many of us have already experienced them and we are anticipating or fearing further changes. 

Anticipatory grief can be especially tough to handle because you are managing very strong emotions over something that has not occurred yet. If you feel you are experiencing this, here are some effective strategies to try today.

Allow Yourself to Feel and Grieve.

It’s important to express your pain and let yourself grieve.

Don’t Go It Alone: Express Your Pain.

Finding a friend or another loved one you can share your feelings openly with is extremely helpful, just as maintaining hope and preparing for death at the same time is difficult. It can be even harder as people may wonder why you are grieving—even become angry that you are grieving—before the actual death.

Remember the Children.

Consider Journaling.

Nurture Your Spirituality.

Maintain a Sense of Humor.